I posted this a bit ago on my Fb page 7 shares and reached just under 790 people. I was so shocked that that many saw it….and que a bit of anxiety has its a very uhm raw piece i shared.
I’ve been a little hesitant about speaking about this. However I am hoping others maybe able to relate and know they are not alone.
My experience has an Autistic adult who is also a parent has been rocky to say the least. Specially when I started on this parenthood journey I had 0 clue I was autistic. Having to fight 2 different types of depression (garden variety for lack of better words and PPD).
Realizing I had C-PTSD due to my own upbringing then finally realizing I was autistic. All this information helped me adjust my own expectations.
However its come in baby steps. I went from not noticing when my brain would shut down and go into react mode, to noticing it…stop times even catching myself to change tactics. Going from just reacting to naming the frustration and naming what I am going to do to calm myself. Its a far from perfect system and if it just keeps building its harder to catch.
There is also the baby steps themselves. I get so frustrated with myself because the process is going slowly, and often forget to give myself a bit of grace. To remember I did not have the tools growing up that I needed, so trying to implement them while parenting kids myself is going to be a slow step by step process.
That I have not only my layers to discover, process and adjust to, but the layers of my kids to process and adjust to. That I have generational trauma I am trying to break on top of being ND. That societies expectations of parents are ableist, and outrageous for even those not disabled. To remember I now have a better support system to help guide me through this.
So to all who are struggling today (or any day) with any of these things you are not alone.